Adopduction

Kidnapped!

I was kidnapped.

I dreamed I was kidnapped.

By a guy with a moustache

And a chick with an eye patch

Who thought they could trade me back

For some quick cash.

But when they relayed the bargain

My family said,

"We'll pay half that."

Tthe haggling went on for days,

The days went on for weeks

And weeks for years.

Riding in the trunk was never fun

But soon I plum ran out of tears.

They camped us in the woods,

We cooked canned goods,

They never threatened me with pain.

They treated cops politely,

Driving nightly,

Always using coded names.

So if slowly I could trust them,

Dare I say it, even love them,

Who's to blame?

I learned my alphabet

And letterset while setting up

My latest ransom notes.

They got me correspondence classes,

Got me glasses,

Gave me dropcloths in the cold.

My fondest memories

Are from my hostage crises;

I know it's strange.

Although we got so close, you know,

They never even told me their real names.